. . . and fears

Oh, dear. Next Lynette asks the women (who are pretty tired by now) what their fears were coming into this weekend. “What were you afraid you’d have to do or talk about?”

Mim is brave and goes first: “I didn’t want to dig it all up again.”

Sabrina, working things out.

Sabrina’s first response is to think that “I’m not adequate . . . this is why God brought me.” She’s struggling to understand another friend who is a working mom. (And now she cries.) She struggles with feeling inferior about her lack of education.

Elnora chimes in with a comforting response to Sabrina: “I have a life history of having an inferiority complex. I need to leave that at home this weekend. I feel inadequate, too. But I don’t want to compare myself with everybody.”

Naomi pours water.

Naomi says she came with a longing to receive input from other godly women. “I fight with communicating. I didn’t have that professional college education. It feels good to hear your stories. We all make mistakes; we all do dumb things.”

Dot speaks up: “I’m afraid I won’t be able to remember that part of my journey [not having children]. I don’t think it’s going to bother me. I don’t want it to be so forgotten that I can’t bring it back to life. I don’t think I fear that.”

Mim isn’t sure about something: “As a single, what I dealt with was so different than what a 30-year-old is dealing with now.”

The others reassure her that she’s telling her story. Dot says, “People can identify their pain by hearing yours.”

Lynette smiles; Martha's not so sure.

Not surprisingly, Martha is surprising. She talks about getting the invitation to be in this group. “My first reaction was, this is totally unnecessary. This is just another bit of busy work for these busy, busy women to do. Why would we do this? No way I’m going to drive to these retreats.

“At conference, kind of all of a sudden I had a different view of it. And Rosie said she’d be glad to take me. Then it seemed like I was hearing from the Lord, ‘You can use this to really be a help to other widows’ — and that is really what I want to do.”

Louella says: “It really hit me at conference. Why did I say yes? I’ve never been a public speaker. I thought, ‘I can’t do this.’ But Phyllis soon let me know that Martha would do it, too.”

Martha: “I don’t want you to think I’m just helping you.”

Louella, laughing: “But you are!”

Elnora encourages Louella.

Dot: “This part of it [the retreats] I think we’ll all love dearly . . . we’ll all come out of it differently. I am petrified of the public part when it’s over, so that’s my fear.” [The women have agreed to share about their experiences on a panel at the annual CMC conference next summer.]

Lynette speaks again; she is excited about the gathering. “When the Holy Spirit’s present, it’s not just individual gifts or experience or education . . . it’s the miraculous, supernatural things that happen, the healing that happens, when the Holy Spirit is really integral. . . .”

Wait, we forgot Phyllis’s fear! Here’s what she says: “This is different for me because I get scared pretty easily, and the way I compensate for that is — I organize. I try to make sure nothing bad can happen and only good things can happen.”

This weekend is a little uncomfortable for her. “It’s social work-y, it’s going to get its own life. This is a step of faith for me and I’m kind of scared about it, actually.”

Ruth and Rosie, cooking things up.

Our host Ruth speaks up as well: “I just want to say again how grateful I am that this is happening. I’m hearing the laughter and the quiet and the contrast, and God’s here and I’m feeling it and it’s a good thing.”

Lynette gives everyone an assignment before bed: “You’re going to get with every other person one more time tomorrow. Come up with a question for each person.”

Looking around, she says, “This place is inspiring me. I’m thinking about God watching and I’m thinking he’s very pleased.”

Phyllis adds, “I think you’re all beautiful.”

And now, bedtime.

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2 Responses to . . . and fears

  1. Patricia King says:

    My heart aches for Sabrina……[Sabrina’s first response is to think that “I’m not adequate . . . this is why God brought me.” ] You have so much to give away and you just don’t know yet how precious you are. What a rare Gem. He brought you because you have something nobody else there has. Oh how I want to encourage you to just let the Holy Spirit be your teacher, really let Him take you to college (Spiritually speaking) and let Him give you an education unable to be matched anywhere!!! I am most excited for you and your journey….WOW

    • Sabrina says:

      Thank you Patricia for your kind words. I am reminded again and again, that I am nothing, and very inadequate, apart from God. However, He enables me to do what He calls me to. As I learn to recognize the Holy Spirit’s voice and also obey (ah, the hard part) there is freedom to be and do what He has called me to.

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