How can the church minister to single women?

The conversation about divorced women segued well into the topic of single women in the church.

Lynette – “Church structures are so important. There is such a need for single women to be with couples. We need to mix.” Her daughter shared with her what a blessing it is to single women when couples are secure enough in their relationship and have the space to welcome someone else in.

Mim – “Sometimes we start with a program to foster that interaction, and then it becomes natural. No one likes to feel like a project. There is no way we are going to please all of us.”

To prepare a helpful list, Mim had invited a group of single women to her house to share ideas for the church. Here it is: Nice Ideas for Loving on Single Women in the Church.

- Have them over for meals, especially on holidays if they live far from family.

- Help with their cars. Often when cars have trouble, women feel like “having a husband would make everything better.”

- Younger women want to be treated like they are mature adults. They can cook, and they want to serve.

- Recognize there are many spheres they can be good at. “We are good for more than babysitting!”

- It is really hurtful when the best friend gets married, but then the relationship changes and all of the married people are not including the singles anymore.

- Throw housewarmings for them, since they do not get bridal showers when they move into their own houses.

- Help us be realistic about marriage. He doesn’t always come home cheery.

- Women who were married later in life can share spiritual encouragement. It is nice to have friends who understand what it is like to be single.

- Don’t be afraid to tell us we are being very selfish or independent. “That was a sermon I got once from someone I could take it from.”

- If you are not close to someone, don’t ask about their interest in someone. It is not your mission to find all single people a spouse.

Mim - “I struggle with this one, because I love mothers and think they should be honored, but it is hard to hear a pastor say that being a mother is the highest calling in life. I will always be second best. Motherhood is a high calling, but be careful who you exclude.”

Lynette - “Be really sensitive walking alongside someone and telling them what they need to give up. It is tough to give up passions and dreams and callings. When you say yes to something you are saying no to something else.”

Naomi - “Only God knows in which way your life will be most effective. I remind people that a successful marriage is not the most important thing in comparison to being faithful to God. That just shines.”

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